josiechay's

I know what it feels like. Looking at someone, Feeling tangible pain in your heart. I know what it feels like. Seeing traces of that very person, Lumps forming in your throat. I know what it feels like. Watching someone from a distance, Holding back the emerging tears. I know what it feels like. So many desires in your head, They're left unmet, strangled, rejected. Alas, stop, you ruminating thoughts. Curse you, constant withdrawals. To tolerate you will be the end of me. What I want is an end. And for an end, reviving the past has to cease. And so the beginning of my healing, Might just be the end of this piece. **** A poem written a week ago I think. Cheers :)

I am trying so hard , it hurts sometimes. But I know I shouldn't give up on being that friend to you. There's a reason you're here in my life.  Add oil Jo!

I'm really thankful Lord that you've helped me through so many things in life. It's unbelievable the journey we had. I find it pretty amazing that I was able to rebound so quickly today after the return of sadness. Indeed, Lord You are doing a work in me. You've helped me fight through and accept finally that things don't always work out. You don't always get what you want. It's not always the ending you picture in your head. And the important thing is to not let yourself be bogged down by disappointments in life. Hey, I'm not saying we won't feel sadness, but we can choose not to dwell on it. We can choose to take  heart in the Lord. We can choose to draw strength from Him. I won't lie, definitely tears were shed. But it was for that moment. That moment when the emotions just flooded me. The lovely thing is accepting life itself and letting Him take the burdens. Thank you my dear Lord. ;)

I wonder what are your plans Lord, for me. Who will I be? What will I do in the future? The doors are kinda open, but you know it really tickles my curiosity what happens several years from now. *** To have a mind consumed. To have a mind suffocated with thoughts of you. To wonder day and night. Is it all right? We talk about 'could-have-beens' and 'what-ifs'. And then I think to myself, is it worth it, dedicating this much of brain space to you? I try to minimise that but it's hard. Sometimes the heart is stubborn to the brain's warnings. All the time spent talking. Of course it's hard to pull away. Yet, I pray Lord that you will teach me. Teach me to dedicate my mind to you. To keep it sacred for you. To love you wholeheartedly, mind and soul. Tough task. Not a completely unattainable goal though. *** I always thought I would be strong enough to not do certain things. I would have never thought that I would face such temptations. I guess yo...

Pruning was probably a subject mentioned several times on a few different Sundays, but it only really made sense to me, today. "Where does it hurt most?" God is probably wanting to shape up that area. Take out the weeds, unearth the moldy growth. Then I thought to myself, sometimes I'd rather be stuck, hurting, then change. Maybe I got too comfortable in the whole pity party game. I guess it was probably a lesson though, the whole nerve problem-hand disabled thing. Previously, I did wonder to myself. I thought about how my life seemed fairly trouble-free in comparison to others. There wasn't something to make me cling to God. There wasn't a somewhat long-term predicament that would force me to lean on Him. People would say, why call on trouble when it wasn't present? Well, now I've got what I've asked for - a situation that would take maybe months to be resolved. But I can say I'm still thankful. Given the circumstances, I realize that ...

So it's that time of the year again, when food is in abundance, you earn money just for being single and thy chinese skills will be pushed to its limit.  One thing I can be proud of though, is the fact that I no longer cringe as much when having to meet my father's side of the family, because now my chinese is a little bit better. I still nod and smile when i don't really catch something that's said, but at least I'm no longer afraid to go up to me cousins and have a chat. LOLS. So yeah, Pastor was showing this video at church about a group of people who went on a field trip meeting several families, singing a song to the parents, made up of letters from their children who weren't home. Indeed, how often do we say I Love You to our parents? Maybe for some of y'all it just comes easy peasy, but for me, I've never really said it out. I've always expressed myself through handmade cards and the like. So yeah, I guess it'll be something ...

Separation For total abandonment Sadness For reality. Being yearned for And yearning another Did it always have to end badly? Was there ever mutual happiness? We tell each other Dream lovely things Think happy thoughts. In the end it doesn't work does it? We revisit Memories We take a walk in Square One We replay the hurts We can't bear the thought of forgetting. So where does it all lead? When does it all end? How many sleepless nights will pass? How many personal pity parties will we attend?  Meaningless, she sighed Hopeless, he complained What is my life, she questioned Such deep pain, he whispered.  Some questions were never meant to be answered. Some feelings were never meant to be reciprocated. That's the sad reality Nothing can be done to change it.