He's Not The One 2
^ The title above refers to a poem with the same title that I wrote back in high school.
After church camp, my mind was opened a little to the notion that maybe, just maybe, he isn't the right one.
I guess the past two years, I have been so caught up with my feelings in this un-burstable bubble that I could not view the whole situation in a more sensible fashion. Indeed, I was waiting for the time that I could step back and look at my problem from the outside. Camp was my chance. I was far from my source of misery, closer to other people in general.
The chance I got to meet some other friends in the past weeks has also helped me a lot and I'm so very thankful to the Lord for sending all these marvellous people. I got to look at my situation from a totally different point of view. They might not know it, but talking to the two awesome Js was quite a big help and release. And then there was my Kor and my favourite siblings. Haha, that's why currently I'm an advocate of talking about problems to trusted people rather than keeping it in.
And so from this distant viewpoint, I was able to at least regain more control over my thoughts. No lies, even after talking there was a time I just gave way to my own pounding, overwhelming thoughts. But hey, the key is to NOT give up.
But anyway, I realised how much he did not fit my requirements and desires. We may have similar taste in certain things but I realised that we might not share the same God-related vision. We were on different levels and that wasn't what I wanted (when I was more stable and sane). I wanted someone strong in his walk, someone passionate for something in life. I began to realise that in terms of stands and values, we were different in some ways. Man, I was freaking blinded. Sometimes I'm so blinded by the memories we shared and the past joys of our friendship that I don't want to recognize certain problems. Blinded indeed.
And so when someone told me this, 'You deserve so much better,' I didn't believe it at first.
I thought he was the best I could have. I didn't think I could get someone better. But then I slowly ruminated on that. For all the things I stand for, and for all the things I wanted to achieve in life, I'm meant for a different kind of person, am I not?
Haha, sometimes you don't realise how low you view yourself till someone makes you see that.
Even he can tell me, 'why do you look down on yourself so much? Why you always look at the bad in yourself. Not good you know.'
Even he can tell me that.
And yeah I write about this so much that I'm beginning to sound like a broken record. lol. Hopefully I'll gradually stop.
This, I pray Lord.
After church camp, my mind was opened a little to the notion that maybe, just maybe, he isn't the right one.
I guess the past two years, I have been so caught up with my feelings in this un-burstable bubble that I could not view the whole situation in a more sensible fashion. Indeed, I was waiting for the time that I could step back and look at my problem from the outside. Camp was my chance. I was far from my source of misery, closer to other people in general.
The chance I got to meet some other friends in the past weeks has also helped me a lot and I'm so very thankful to the Lord for sending all these marvellous people. I got to look at my situation from a totally different point of view. They might not know it, but talking to the two awesome Js was quite a big help and release. And then there was my Kor and my favourite siblings. Haha, that's why currently I'm an advocate of talking about problems to trusted people rather than keeping it in.
And so from this distant viewpoint, I was able to at least regain more control over my thoughts. No lies, even after talking there was a time I just gave way to my own pounding, overwhelming thoughts. But hey, the key is to NOT give up.
But anyway, I realised how much he did not fit my requirements and desires. We may have similar taste in certain things but I realised that we might not share the same God-related vision. We were on different levels and that wasn't what I wanted (when I was more stable and sane). I wanted someone strong in his walk, someone passionate for something in life. I began to realise that in terms of stands and values, we were different in some ways. Man, I was freaking blinded. Sometimes I'm so blinded by the memories we shared and the past joys of our friendship that I don't want to recognize certain problems. Blinded indeed.
And so when someone told me this, 'You deserve so much better,' I didn't believe it at first.
I thought he was the best I could have. I didn't think I could get someone better. But then I slowly ruminated on that. For all the things I stand for, and for all the things I wanted to achieve in life, I'm meant for a different kind of person, am I not?
Haha, sometimes you don't realise how low you view yourself till someone makes you see that.
Even he can tell me, 'why do you look down on yourself so much? Why you always look at the bad in yourself. Not good you know.'
Even he can tell me that.
And yeah I write about this so much that I'm beginning to sound like a broken record. lol. Hopefully I'll gradually stop.
This, I pray Lord.
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