josiechay's

It's strangely comforting to see you looking all happy on social media with your girl. No, this post isn't gonna be a rant. Truly. Strangely enough, when I see you with your girl, I feel relieved. And I'm genuinely happy for you. I'm happy that finally, you don't need to hide anything. You don't need to worry about scrutiny, secrets and meeting other people's expectations. I'm happy that you've found someone you can be exactly who you are with. I'm happy you can bring her to meet your family and you can bring her to church. That's exactly how it should have been from the start and I'm glad this is all working out for you now. All I wanted was for you to be happy and I knew, being around me, that wasn't always the case. So I'm glad you've found your peace in this phase of life. Buddy, I wish you well and I will always be your guardian angel/fairy godmother when you need help. :) xx

I'll be completely honest, coming home this summer wasn't something I was particularly excited about as I've come to realise, it was just what I needed. 1.  The saying "you don't know what you're missing till it's gone" is so true but I would like to add a little twist to that statement. You don't know what you're missing till it's gone from your life but appears back again.  If I were to be completely honest (once again) I would say that I didn't really miss the people back home with an aching heart. I was always more of a friend person than a family person anyway. So when I came home and saw my parents in the flesh, I looked at them and thought to myself, what a bad child I was. I could certainly do better. In the moments that I spent with them hearing them out in coffeeshops or in their car, I came to my senses - I was such a fool for not appreciating them enough. I was so blinded by my own arrogant nature that I failed to respec...

So it occurred to me in the shower that these past few weeks, I have been too busy caring about myself to care about other people. And that is just bad. Some say I'm a social butterfly, and I used to think that maybe that's a gift or something but as of late, I think that I may have been exploiting this very "gift". My late night shower has really gotten me questioning my motives in life and my motives in ministry. I've been blessed to be able to start serving in a church program here in the States and honestly it has been really good. For me that is. Now I think that I have to really "close the bible" as mentioned in a SheReadsTruth devotional, and really get out there and start loving and living out the Word. It has been a goal of sorts for myself this year to love genuinely, listen actively and give a 100% and more, every time I'm with a friend. Some days I feel like my eyes are opened and I see the needs everywhere waiting to be fulfilled. O...

Hey hey first post in 2015! Haha, didn't think this little blog would last till such modern times but hey, important histories will never fade *wink*.  Never in my wildest imaginations would I have thought that Jocelyn Chay would come to endure so many life-changing circumstances (both for better and for worse). But I did anyway, and I survived.  And time and again I see the amazing work of God, His grip tight as ever.  The past year has truly been an emotional whirlwind, and in every sense of the word. Even I was amazed by the steady build-up of emotions and issues. I have had my share of regrets, which sometimes I am tempted to think, outweigh the good. But that isn't true, it was my own doing. I was the one that allowed my consciousness to sink. I was the one that threw the life jacket. I was the one that tied weights to my legs in a turbulent ocean. I chose to give up instead of hold on and I really wish I could turn back time; but time is a one way...

*Disclaimer: I apologize for my incoherence in advance.  As much as I would like to go all power lady and say this, I find it so hard to. Well its not that I'm not valued, it's just that I'm sort of chasing pavements.  Yes, I'm trying to do it over the right way and just be friends but somehow, I find myself trying to hold on to whatever's left. And it is truly a horrible mentality.  But this happens in those weak moments. Which goes to show how I need to always be on my guard. Sometimes I wonder, why can't I be like all the other people who move on so quickly. Why is it that I've invested so much heart into this. And why have I not been able to fully let go of all the lingering emotions after soooo long.  It only makes me wonder if there could have been a future.  But now that I'm adventuring to another land, I've just got to be patient and see where He leads me. Ah, the future always seems more enticing bu...

I guess I have come to learn that in life, its best to just unplug yourself from your source of worry or stress. It may not be the easiest thing to do, but granted if you try, bit by bit you will succeed. I guess for me its in the way I delete messages / photos in order not to tempt myself into looking back. I try not to get too attached to things that I'm trying to keep a distance from (wait what?) yeah.. haha I try to tell myself well, if I were to get the chance to re-do this, I'll do it right.

The past few weeks my mind has been on constant rewind and replay. I wondered. Why did anything come into existence in the first place? Why was I given the privilege, and at the same time, regret, of ever feeling what I felt and experiencing what I experienced? Why did it have to begin when it would soon come to an end? Then it clicked. It isn't anybody's fault. What are you doing, I questioned myself as I did the laundry. Who are you trying to cast the blame on? Is it him? Is it God? 80% of the time we usually know what we should do in life. (Of course percentages and statistics are made up, like most quoted statistics). We, or should I say I, was afraid of coming to terms with the solutions lying there motionless, in the recesses of my mind. I knew that life wouldn't always be as smooth as honey in one's throat. Reality is, you can't just wish everything will run like clockwork, flowers lining your every path. Most of all, you can't blame anyon...