josiechay's

*Disclaimer: I apologize for my incoherence in advance.  As much as I would like to go all power lady and say this, I find it so hard to. Well its not that I'm not valued, it's just that I'm sort of chasing pavements.  Yes, I'm trying to do it over the right way and just be friends but somehow, I find myself trying to hold on to whatever's left. And it is truly a horrible mentality.  But this happens in those weak moments. Which goes to show how I need to always be on my guard. Sometimes I wonder, why can't I be like all the other people who move on so quickly. Why is it that I've invested so much heart into this. And why have I not been able to fully let go of all the lingering emotions after soooo long.  It only makes me wonder if there could have been a future.  But now that I'm adventuring to another land, I've just got to be patient and see where He leads me. Ah, the future always seems more enticing bu

I guess I have come to learn that in life, its best to just unplug yourself from your source of worry or stress. It may not be the easiest thing to do, but granted if you try, bit by bit you will succeed. I guess for me its in the way I delete messages / photos in order not to tempt myself into looking back. I try not to get too attached to things that I'm trying to keep a distance from (wait what?) yeah.. haha I try to tell myself well, if I were to get the chance to re-do this, I'll do it right.

The past few weeks my mind has been on constant rewind and replay. I wondered. Why did anything come into existence in the first place? Why was I given the privilege, and at the same time, regret, of ever feeling what I felt and experiencing what I experienced? Why did it have to begin when it would soon come to an end? Then it clicked. It isn't anybody's fault. What are you doing, I questioned myself as I did the laundry. Who are you trying to cast the blame on? Is it him? Is it God? 80% of the time we usually know what we should do in life. (Of course percentages and statistics are made up, like most quoted statistics). We, or should I say I, was afraid of coming to terms with the solutions lying there motionless, in the recesses of my mind. I knew that life wouldn't always be as smooth as honey in one's throat. Reality is, you can't just wish everything will run like clockwork, flowers lining your every path. Most of all, you can't blame anyon

Today was a very encouraging day speaking and discussing with the young ones at youth. It was really refreshing to get an insight into how they view Christianity, and I was so blessed to hear some of their testimonies. Well and all these just as I was pondering over the seemingly repetitive mediocrity my Christian life has come to settle to.  So it was really such a blessing to hear how my youth member first came to church. And his stories of perseverance in inviting his friends after joining the big fam.  Somehow when I feel down at church, God always has a way of encouraging me by creating the opportunity to share with others my own experiences. As I share I somehow begin to realise just how far I've come, and just how much I have to thank God for .  Indeed I am ever so grateful to you Lord, for being tolerating my whiny mortal self.  I thank you for always encouraging me with little little occurrences such as these :)  *** I'm so happy to have met y

Letting go. Forgiveness means letting go of your bitterness. Never in my life have I thought that I of all people would be facing a forgiveness issue. And more so with the person I've loved for a long time.  Letting go means never looking back.  It means being able to look at him and of course remember what he did and what you guys went through. But never holding the hurt and pain against him. Letting go means never being jealous of what was and what isn't happening at the moment.  Letting go doesn't happen until you choose to do so. It isn't an impossible feat. Letting go means letting God handle it, allowing Him to run the show and take the reins.  Last of all, letting go doesn't happen with just the posting of a picture, or a doodle or more. (I know, I know, this is highly oxymoronic of me). But anyways, letting go begins when you stop doing what you're used to and start living a life of your own.