Random thoughts

I wonder what are your plans Lord, for me. Who will I be? What will I do in the future?
The doors are kinda open, but you know it really tickles my curiosity what happens several years from now.

***

To have a mind consumed. To have a mind suffocated with thoughts of you. To wonder day and night. Is it all right?

We talk about 'could-have-beens' and 'what-ifs'. And then I think to myself, is it worth it, dedicating this much of brain space to you? I try to minimise that but it's hard. Sometimes the heart is stubborn to the brain's warnings.

All the time spent talking. Of course it's hard to pull away.

Yet, I pray Lord that you will teach me. Teach me to dedicate my mind to you. To keep it sacred for you. To love you wholeheartedly, mind and soul.
Tough task. Not a completely unattainable goal though.

***

I always thought I would be strong enough to not do certain things. I would have never thought that I would face such temptations. I guess you can say it's part of growing up, facing the world, facing college, facing the people in college. It's all quite different actually.

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the girl I was. What became of her?

***

The semester's coming to an end.
And well I got this sort of revelation in the shower. (Yes, God can speak to you even when you're showering.)
So all through this semester I thought that I had no hope. That I got off on bad foot. But I realised the more I think that way, the more unlikely I am to change anything. To at least try to work on those grades. I realised that's exactly how the devil would want me to think. And all this time I've just been giving him a field day. Pretty stupid of me I guess.

Now I stand, 2 weeks to the semester final exams. Can I change what happened in the past 12 weeks? Nope. But I can change what will happen in the 3 weeks to come.

That's of course with His help.

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