*wrote this at my office desk, a day before my Dad's birthday. 3rd March 2020. Feelings of missing a person often come in waves and feel a lot like a hot flush from alcohol. You either take sips and pace yourself out; little occurrences reminding you now and then about the people you miss, the people you hide in your heart. "How's your mom and dad?", "Name me a figure you respect the most", "Why do you like Mercedes Benz cars?", "Did you just start loving flowers?". "Oh look! It's a Peanuts calender!" Or, you gulp in the sweet, barely bitter taste of a home-concocted drink and all of a sudden your cheeks radiate heat. "Tomorrow's my dad's birthday." It's been 6 birthdays that I've missed spending together. "Do you miss home sometimes?". "Do you prefer living in the States?". "Would you want to build a life here?" If you let the feelings linger, they start to s...
I'll be completely honest, coming home this summer wasn't something I was particularly excited about as I've come to realise, it was just what I needed. 1. The saying "you don't know what you're missing till it's gone" is so true but I would like to add a little twist to that statement. You don't know what you're missing till it's gone from your life but appears back again. If I were to be completely honest (once again) I would say that I didn't really miss the people back home with an aching heart. I was always more of a friend person than a family person anyway. So when I came home and saw my parents in the flesh, I looked at them and thought to myself, what a bad child I was. I could certainly do better. In the moments that I spent with them hearing them out in coffeeshops or in their car, I came to my senses - I was such a fool for not appreciating them enough. I was so blinded by my own arrogant nature that I failed to respec...
Haha who knows, I might just be able to keep up with the editions this year. I am somewhat on a mission to journal more often and give visible language to the things that go on in my head. I have this silent (ok not so silent) fear that one day I'll simply forget all my memories. Maybe that's my one fear all along. I don't fear death, in fact I look forward to the day I get to go to heaven and be with the Lord 24/7. Maybe my fear is losing myself, not remembering my story, my journey. It's so encouraging to know that every post in here matters and will continue to matter to me in the future. It's often times just crazy how the years pass and before I know it, what would've once been an insurmountable task, becomes pretty doable. In 2013, I was happy about doing well in Calculus. I would've never imagined actually working as an engineer in 2017. In the grand scheme of things, 4 years doesn't seem like a long time. And to give credit where it's due,...
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